Selfish

Selfish

How often do single 30 something’s question the value of their worth? It must go hand in hand; how long you’ve been alone and the conviction of your sole soul. 

My heart sank when I opened his profile to reveal two young kids in Disney trip photo. No ring, but may as well be married. The painful burn spreading until unnoticeable to the rest of my being. The stupid crushy fairytale just another reminder of my incompatibility with anyone.

I felt it tho. I thought I did. That silent but undeniable tension of two attractive adults undergoing a business transaction. It’s so magnetic and captivating to come into contact with someone you want to know, touch, and taste. The fact that it NEVER happens and when it finally does, takes hold of your mental focus to the point of frustration because you just want to be near them again.
As this annoying life loves to be the way it is, more reminders of all your unachievable hearts desires: He’s your neighbors friend too.

 
I have probably seen that father be Mr Mom dozens of times. He’s probably bffs with Crush Manager. They probably all get together for barbecues with no alcohol and either feel like complete, happy families or secretly yearn for kinky sex and freeness from Dad Life. I’m awful; the latter is what I hope deep down:
He’s fucking miserable. He got with this so-so female and now they’re in too deep. Got kids to take care of and no chance of ever having a truly fun, spontaneous adventure.
Who am I kidding?  

If anything we’re all feeling relentless wishes. Some of us are lucky enough to have someone to fall back on.
I won’t ever look him up again.