I fucking hate and love what I’m going thru.
What kills me is the doubt in the lesson unfolding.
My solitude is forcing me to be selfreliant; if anything, to put my fears in God and have Faith. The trouble is in my actions and lack thereof. When you do you re-fuck-ing-lax? When is it first nature to just shut up your mind and enjoy WHAT THERE IS?! When do I know to keep putting myself out versus letting what’s “meant to be” find me?
I can’t even explain the huge fucking desire to find my best friend. Laughing by yourself is cool. Reading, by yourself. Hanging by yourself. But it’s incomprehensible to my heart, to live this way forever.