Sometimes I really think I’m “getting over it”. At times I have a peaceful hopefulness that refreshes my mindset. Although, often enough I can’t help but remember: I’m alone and “he’s” not coming back. And then I can’t come to terms with the possibility of meeting anyone better. It’s so hard to kid myself. I’m almost there tho.. I think. Ugh, no I’m not. This nagging hope. I’m trying. Trying to let go and not look back.
I mull things over in my mind, dissecting the true fear and sadnesses of my feelings and thoughts. Do I actually miss “HIM” or the most beautiful, calming, soothing soulful sensations he evoked inside of me? Does it matter? He alone could stop this longing.. And so I think.Do you ever say to yourself, at random, “I MISS YOU SO MUCH”, and you weren’t necessarily thinking of a particular person? It’s how I go on everyday. I FUCKING MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU… IM FUCKING WITHERING AWAY ..”
It has to be one in the same; “Him” and all the lovely things he woke in me.
Doesn’t matter. He doesn’t want me and I can’t make someone truly love me.
Off to finish the rest of my weekday, mundane routine.