I haven’t been properly fucked in about a year now. Even longer since I’ve been genuinely adored. I’m a sad sulky being, particularly in the morning when the only thing that motivates me is not being fired. I’ve decided to start blogging my struggles in an effort to help myself and perhaps someone else that’s feeling alone or the same.
I guess I’m like a lot of .sad. introverts that feel guilty for for being sad because I should already have everything to make me happy.. Do I tho?
I like being a alone. But not this kind of alone. After I’ve recharged I deeply desire a connection to another human. It’s been years since having someone. I’m tired of being reminded that I’m 34 and the older I get my children are likelier to have Down syndrome. I can’t even find someone to marry let alone someone to procreate with. I’m over people thinking I must really damaged to still be single. I’m over thinking I must be really damaged to still be single.
Being sad makes me bitter in other areas of my life and that’s what I hate. I don’t want to take out my subconscious hurt on others but I’m sure there’s times when I’ve been harsh. It’s been a spiritual journey to say the least.
I’m an unconventional Catholic. New age Catholic? I don’t know, I believe Christ, God, Afterlife, etc. it’s probably part of my problem. Faith is everything to Believers. My struggle is accept “God’s will”. I’m kicking and screaming the whole way, not wanting to let go of my desires.
I’d love to smoke some weed, sign out, and mellow out but I’m dry. Oh yeah, I smoke herb. Writing and weed are the best therapists. And I’ve seen a therapist, so I know.
I guess it’s time to handle some necessities. I welcome you to follow me, tho I don’t know where I’ll end up.